I usually do not review books twice, let alone change my rating, but I am making an exception here with The Ruining Heaven. To explain, I have to backtrack to September 2015, when I first reviewed Hawser, by J Hardy Carroll. I stand by my review at that that time, so I won’t repeat it here, but I am upgrading my rating to four out of four stars.

I came across my review of Hawser by accident, following some comments in my blog, and I found myself in a memory block. While I had read the book, and reviewed it, and corresponded with the author directly about it, I oddly had no memory of  the details of the book. Granted, it’s been ten years, but you’d think I’d remember.

Nothing.

So I went to Amazon and tried to find it – but it did not appear to exist. Now I was really puzzled. How is it possible that I read a book, reviewed it, rated it highly, wrote a blog entry, and remembered nothing? And then the book does not seem to exist?

I then searched my emails for the author’s name and wrote to him. He responded within minutes, advised that he had edited the book and republished it under a new name, The Ruining Heaven. Oddly, the book is only available in paperback on Amazon, and since I am not reading hardcopy books anymore, I didn’t want to buy it in that format. Because by now I had decided that I’d have to reread this to figure out how I could possibly forget all about it. The author was kind enough to send me the Kindle version directly, along with two sequels (which I have not read yet).

Why did I forget all about it? It’s a very poignant story, particularly as some of the action takes place in wartime Germany, namely Silesia, where my own father was a child refugee during that exact time. The emotional damage inflicted on him from those experiences are still haunting him today, at age 89, and he keeps retelling the horrors he lived through. Ironically, I finished reading The Ruining Heaven while in a hotel room in Germany just a few days ago, right after having just talked to my father about just those times.

Why did I forget all about it? Two thoughts:

First, when you read as many books as I do, of as many different genres, it’s apparently possible to move on to the next one and erase the previous one. Sometimes, once I write the review, it frees me up to move on. There are only  that many grey cells available as I get older, and I need to clear the slate.

Second, the subject matter in the book is highly disturbing. War stories are never pleasant, and this one is crushing on many levels. Just like we tend to forget the hard periods in our lives, the embarrassing moments, the challenging episodes, as a natural block for our sanity, I may have blocked out most of this book just to protect myself and move on to better things.

Either way, The Ruining Heaven is a powerful war story. I thank the author for sending me the book and I highly recommend it, paperback and all.

From the outside it would look as if Kate Whittier was living a dream life in Southern California. Her husband is a successful businessman from an old-money New England family. They have two well-adjusted kids in elementary and middle school. She lives in a gorgeous home in a gated community north of San Diego. Her life revolves around her family and their friends. Taking the kids to soccer practice and games, attending family parties, taking walks along the San Diego beaches.

But Kate feels like an impostor in her own life. She comes from a broken family, and there are enough nightmares in her past that she has hidden her childhood and youth from all her friends and her husband. She thinks they don’t know who she is, the believes she is living a lie, and has been doing that for decades.

When her husband suddenly confesses to a sexual indiscretion, her life comes crashing down, and the lies and deceptions no longer hold up. In a matter of days, her peaceful and successful life unravels into a maelstrom of emotional chaos, confusion and even amnesia. While she is vulnerable and exposed, the demons of her past come knocking, and suddenly there seems to be no way out.

I would not normally pick up this book to read. The cover does not talk to me, and the description on the back is not about a subject I would choose read a novel about. But the paths of books into my life are sometimes mysterious, and I definitely  like to pick up material at random just to open my horizon.

My wife is in a book club of about a dozen women.  They read a book a month, and then meet and discuss it over dinner at one of their homes. Sometimes I read their book, if it’s the kind that interests me. Last month, they read Anastasia Zadeik’s second book,  The Other Side of Nothing. It turns out that one of the members knew the author and invited her to the book club meeting discussing that book. She came, and apparently they had a great meeting, the author posted about it in her Instagram page later, and left some hardcopies of her first novel with them, autographed. When my wife brought one of the copies home, I picked it up and started reading that night on the couch, and — could not put it down.

Blurred Fates is Zadeik’s first novel. I have read and reviewed the first works of other authors, sometimes by their personal invitations. (If you review as many books as I do, sometimes authors send you their books and ask for reviews. I have had a few of those). Blurred Fates stands out among first novels for a number of reasons:

It is impeccably edited. There isn’t a typo, there aren’t any grammatical errors that I noticed.

It is written in the first person present tense, which is unusual. But it also creates a sense of pace and urgency. Everything is happening right in front of the reader. It it hard to write that way, but Zadeik pulls it off effortlessly. I was right there with her all along, inside Kate’s head.

Being in someone’s head, in their thoughts, can be exhausting for the reader. I believe it’s also hard to write that way. But even with those challenges, Kate’s emotional and psychological turmoil never seems unreal. As a reader, you become Kate, and you feel her anguish and terror.

The author did a remarkable job with this novel. I am sure her second one, The Other Side of Nothing, is just as good.

Blurred Fates is a well-structured story about a subject of our times, namely rape, sexual abuse, domestic violence and child abandonment, and the permanent, lifelong psychological trauma that victims have to live with. With that, the author takes on a challenging subject and handles it well.

I also enjoyed her description of Kate’s life in San Diego. I live here, and I felt like I have been at her house and her community. I have driven by the soccer practices that she went to. I have shopped at the Vons and gone to the same Starbucks she is describing. And I have been to the same beaches. Those images and feelings brought it home even more vivid and clear than otherwise. This story played in my neighborhood.

I finished the book last night – I cranked through the last third of the book, and when I closed it and looked up, it was 1:25am. Need I point out: It’s a page turner.