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Archive for the ‘Crack-Ups’ Category

Our local San Diego Union has a weekly contest. We see a picture, and we are tasked to come up with the caption. Last week was the two snails below.

I usually draw a complete blank with those. I just don’t have that creative angle. But every week I see the responses, and I think they are hilarious.

Last week, Trisha entered, and promptly became a finalist.

Source: San Diego Union July 28, 2019 – click to enlarge

 

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Today I went for dinner at the Mikado Ryotei restaurant in Austin, Texas. When I went to the bathroom, it gave me pause.

I stood there, hesitated for a while, and then picked the correct one. I could tell because there were urinals inside.

Whew!

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Trisha is ready for entertainment. This is her control station on our couch.

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I walked to school a mile, in the snow, uphill, both ways.

And we also only had a rotary phone. But in our family, we didn’t get it until I was about 10 years old. Before that, if we had to make a phone call, we went to one of the few people in the village that had a phone and asked if we would use theirs. Obviously, you had to pretty much cut off one of your fingers before that happened.

Here are some American teenagers in 2019 who are asked to use a rotary phone:

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Lynne said she’d been on the phone one day last summer (also with her door open), “I heard the cat munching his catfood, and out of the corner of my eye saw a black and white shape at the dish… then thought, up-oh, the cat’s upstairs… I turned around to look and, of course, you guessed it, it was a skunk, the absolute nightmare scenario of living in the country. I slowly moved toward it, telling it to leave, please. It just looked me in the eye and, with its paw, scraped the cat’s dish closer to itself! I decided to do nothing and wait. Do you know how slowly skunks eat? Finally, when the skunk was finished, it calmly walked out the door.”

— The Pocket Lint Chronicles, Barbara Carlson, page 148

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This is a sight for my Southern Californian heart:

A couple of days ago I was in Albany. It was 3° F in the morning. Here is a picture of the parking lot at Panera. Zoom in and notice the shopping cart embedded on top of the snow hill.

Your snowplows at work.

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I have posted about this before, but now it just happened again, and I can’t help but crack up.

It’s open enrollment on my insurance plan, and after going through a number of online pages and verifying information, I had to SIGN. Mind you, the only option I got was to use my mouse and sign my name. This is the best I could do.

Want to forge my signature, anybody?

Somebody tell me, what good is this signature? It has absolutely NOTHING in it that identifies me and that I could later attest to that it is my signature.

NOTHING.

Ridiculous.

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This has got to be one of the coolest things anyone has ever done. On February 6, 2018, Musk shot his Tesla roadster convertible with a space suited dummy in the driver’s seat on a SpaceX Falcon Heavy rocket into an orbit around the sun. The car is now further away from the sun than Mars is. It will circle the sun for billions of years.

We’ll all be gone one day, but that car, and that dummy, will be like new, orbiting the sun.

The fact that a private individual can pull this off is fascinating to me.

Say what you will. Go SpaceX!

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Schrödinger’s Cupboard

[click for picture credit – reddit]

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Any president who doesn’t begin every day on his knees isn’t fit to be commander in chief of this nation.

— Ted Cruz, at the National Religious Liberties Conference in Iowa on June 22, 2018

I don’t know what Ted Cruz believes or how he starts his day.

I also don’t know what Trump does when he gets up in the morning.

I am not a gambling man, but I’d put a lot of money on a bet that Trump does not believe in God and he does not start his day on his knees.

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“Hey, he is the head of a country and I mean he is the strong head,” Mr. Trump told Fox News’ Steve Doocy on the White House lawn Friday. “Don’t let anyone think anything different. He speaks and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same.”

— President Donald Trump

It is obvious that our president is impressed with dictators. I wonder who he thinks “my people” are. I hope the doesn’t think I am “his people.”

It is simple, Mr. President: All you have to do is arrest and execute a few of “your people” when they don’t sit up at attention when you speak, and you’ll quickly see changes.

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Today, when I was looking for file folder tabs in our supply room, I noticed in the very front of one of the shelves stack of three Zip Disks, 100MB, still in the protective shrink-wrap, like new. I am not sure how they got to the front of the supply cabinet, but there they were.

I started the company in 1993, a full twenty-five years ago. Zip Disks were “super floppies” with high capacity, great in the years before Windows 95 even, when we were still working with Windows 3.11 (Windows for Workgroups). They were made by Iomega, and first came out in 1994 with the 100MB version. Later they had larger versions, with 250MB and then even 750MB. The ones on our shelves were the early type, with only 100MB. I still remember buying a zip drive for my main computer, in 1994, when I was the only employee. It felt like heaven to be able to store 100MB on one drive for backup purposes. I imagine I went to the “computer store” and bought a box of the disks just for good measure.

Somehow, through all the years, and the many office moves, and several office managers responsible for the supplies, and hundreds of current and former employees, these three Zip Disks survived, unscathed, in the front of our supply cabinet. Nobody ever thought that they were older than the Internet. Nobody ever thought that our company hasn’t had any working Zip Drives for at least 20 years.

I took this picture.

And then I threw the disks in the trashcan. Good bye, old friends.

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The Inverse of a Concept Does Not a Concept Make

What would you do if you were confronted with this icon – without context:

If you are anything like me, you would be bewildered. I would have no idea what this icon is trying to tell me.

The problem is, it is the inverse of a concept, and unfortunately, the inverse of a concept is not a concept in itself.

Scroll down for the solution to this mystery

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Ah, one of the trash cans is a recycle bin, and the other one has the recycle indicator crossed out.

That one trashcan alone would not make any sense.

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…that my sneakers are getting very ratty?

The fortune cookie is right. Better go shopping soon.

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