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Archive for the ‘Crack-Ups’ Category

I have posted about this before, but now it just happened again, and I can’t help but crack up.

It’s open enrollment on my insurance plan, and after going through a number of online pages and verifying information, I had to SIGN. Mind you, the only option I got was to use my mouse and sign my name. This is the best I could do.

Want to forge my signature, anybody?

Somebody tell me, what good is this signature? It has absolutely NOTHING in it that identifies me and that I could later attest to that it is my signature.

NOTHING.

Ridiculous.

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This has got to be one of the coolest things anyone has ever done. On February 6, 2018, Musk shot his Tesla roadster convertible with a space suited dummy in the driver’s seat on a SpaceX Falcon Heavy rocket into an orbit around the sun. The car is now further away from the sun than Mars is. It will circle the sun for billions of years.

We’ll all be gone one day, but that car, and that dummy, will be like new, orbiting the sun.

The fact that a private individual can pull this off is fascinating to me.

Say what you will. Go SpaceX!

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Schrödinger’s Cupboard

[click for picture credit – reddit]

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Any president who doesn’t begin every day on his knees isn’t fit to be commander in chief of this nation.

— Ted Cruz, at the National Religious Liberties Conference in Iowa on June 22, 2018

I don’t know what Ted Cruz believes or how he starts his day.

I also don’t know what Trump does when he gets up in the morning.

I am not a gambling man, but I’d put a lot of money on a bet that Trump does not believe in God and he does not start his day on his knees.

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“Hey, he is the head of a country and I mean he is the strong head,” Mr. Trump told Fox News’ Steve Doocy on the White House lawn Friday. “Don’t let anyone think anything different. He speaks and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same.”

— President Donald Trump

It is obvious that our president is impressed with dictators. I wonder who he thinks “my people” are. I hope the doesn’t think I am “his people.”

It is simple, Mr. President: All you have to do is arrest and execute a few of “your people” when they don’t sit up at attention when you speak, and you’ll quickly see changes.

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Today, when I was looking for file folder tabs in our supply room, I noticed in the very front of one of the shelves stack of three Zip Disks, 100MB, still in the protective shrink-wrap, like new. I am not sure how they got to the front of the supply cabinet, but there they were.

I started the company in 1993, a full twenty-five years ago. Zip Disks were “super floppies” with high capacity, great in the years before Windows 95 even, when we were still working with Windows 3.11 (Windows for Workgroups). They were made by Iomega, and first came out in 1994 with the 100MB version. Later they had larger versions, with 250MB and then even 750MB. The ones on our shelves were the early type, with only 100MB. I still remember buying a zip drive for my main computer, in 1994, when I was the only employee. It felt like heaven to be able to store 100MB on one drive for backup purposes. I imagine I went to the “computer store” and bought a box of the disks just for good measure.

Somehow, through all the years, and the many office moves, and several office managers responsible for the supplies, and hundreds of current and former employees, these three Zip Disks survived, unscathed, in the front of our supply cabinet. Nobody ever thought that they were older than the Internet. Nobody ever thought that our company hasn’t had any working Zip Drives for at least 20 years.

I took this picture.

And then I threw the disks in the trashcan. Good bye, old friends.

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The Inverse of a Concept Does Not a Concept Make

What would you do if you were confronted with this icon – without context:

If you are anything like me, you would be bewildered. I would have no idea what this icon is trying to tell me.

The problem is, it is the inverse of a concept, and unfortunately, the inverse of a concept is not a concept in itself.

Scroll down for the solution to this mystery

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Ah, one of the trash cans is a recycle bin, and the other one has the recycle indicator crossed out.

That one trashcan alone would not make any sense.

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…that my sneakers are getting very ratty?

The fortune cookie is right. Better go shopping soon.

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GOP Healthcare Plans

We have to come up, and we can come up with many different plans. In fact, plans you don’t even know about will be devised because we’re going to come up with plans – healthcare plans – that will be so good.

— President Donald Trump

 

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

— Mark Twain

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Adulation and Sycophants

This must be the weirdest cabinet meeting in the history of the United States.

Now, children, let’s all be grateful to be here. Could each one of you all tell me why you love me, and why I am so great?

Let’s all pledge allegiance to the supreme leader of our glorious and successful country.

This makes me feel so great, so successful, so powerful.

Ahhh.

Who does this? If this had happened to me at junior high school I would have cracked up. Who subjects grown adults to peer pressure to say self-humiliating crap on national TV?

General Mattis did not look happy sitting there and going through this ridiculous procedure.

Children, all!

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Check out the tweet above. At 3:29am this morning, Trump apparently couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to attack somebody. So he came after himself.

First, he called his Executive Order, which was found unconstitutional by the courts twice, a Travel Ban. Calling it that was exactly one of the reasons why it was struck down. So he reaffirmed the arguments of the courts here.

Then he threw the Justice Department under the bus. These are people who work for him, and under him. He tells the Justice Department what to draft, and then they draft it, and then he signs it. So telling the Justice Department it “should have” done something is like telling himself he got it wrong, or he didn’t know what he was doing at the time.

Then he made himself look like a fool. He, not the Justice Department, was who signed the Executive Order that was found unconstitutional. He was the one that signed it. It was his order, not that of the Justice Department. Is he therefore saying that he wishes he had done something different?

How would you like to work for a boss who attacks and accuses you on a whim, whether you deserve any blame or not? How would you like to work for a boss who does one thing today, and then blames you for him doing it tomorrow? Clearly, this man is not thinking rationally, at 3:29am. How can he find anyone to work for him?

And that is our President of the United States.

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Como se dice ‘Cinco de Mayo’ en Español?

So what the heck is Cinco de Mayo about anyway? Americans often think that Cinco de Mayo is Mexico’s equivalent of the Fourth of July, its independence day. However, that is actually September 16, commemorating the Cry of Dolores that started the Mexican war for their independence from Spain. Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Battle of Puebla, which took place on May 5, 1862, where the Mexican Army scored an unexpected victory over the French forces.

I don’t know any actual Mexicans that care about Cinco de Mayo. Like Christmas, Halloween and Valentine’s Day in America, Cinco de Mayo has taken on its own life as a holiday, and it mostly celebrates Mexican-American culture. Those of us here in the Southwest love Cinco de Mayo. It’s an excuse to go out for tacos, margaritas and happy hour draft beer.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Although, in Trump’s America, can we still safely celebrate el Cinco de Mayo? Or do I risk getting my citizenship revoked if I am caught speaking Spanish?

Hola!

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[click for picture credit: Reddit]

I have recommended that people stop flying United. It’s not good for the morale. There are plenty of other airlines that beat their prices, not their customers.

But if you bought your tickets months or even weeks ago, and you can’t get a refund, I recommend that you bring a boxing helmet on board with you. Here is what it looks like on United flights these days.

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