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Archive for the ‘Crack-Ups’ Category

A plane with five passengers on board — Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, the Pope and a 10-year-old schoolgirl — is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Trump says: “I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and I’m needed to solve the pandemic!” He takes one parachute and jumps.

Johnson says: “I’m needed to sort out the COVID-19 mess in Britain.” He takes one and jumps.

The Pope says: “The world’s Catholics depend on me for comfort in a time of fear.” He takes one and jumps.

“You can have the last parachute,” Merkel says to the 10-year-old. “I’ve lived my life. Yours is only just starting.”

The little girl replies: “Don’t worry, there are two parachutes left. The smartest man in the USA just took my school bag.”

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Today I got a letter from Melania Trump, asking me for money:

Check this out:

In confronting and resolving the issues facing our nation, Donald has proven to be a true leader.

Here is the second page:

The red arrow is mine.

I cannot believe that the wife of Trump originally had a signature that is done with a marker and looks just like Trump’s signature.

 

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Some of us are introverts.

We welcome social distancing. Not having to hug folks when we get together, not having to do small talk at parties or work, not going to crowded events, parties, bars, all the “social places” is making our lives easier.

I am not saying any of this is good – but I don’t mind being relaxed and distanced, and not hurting anyone’s feelings.

Because – some of us are introverts.

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Why don’t we just unplug 2020 for ten seconds, and then plug it in again?

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Too Much Toilet Paper

Help – there is more toilet paper in my house than I know what to do with!

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Check out how Trump interrupts Azar and puts in his own comments. I really wonder what the people standing with him there are really thinking.

Our president has a natural ability for medicine, as we hear in the second video.

All of us should feel very comfortable now about our government’s ability to handle a potential pandemic crisis, since, as we just heard the president say: “The tests are beautiful.”

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Here is a comment from a reader of my post below titled Old Man Jealous of 16-Year-Old Girl below. The comment got my attention, so I thought I’d highlight it here since it probably would not surface enough just buried in the comments.

2 answers that have as much conjecture as your questions, you infer knowledge of a persons emotion state that you have never met. Simply put she has NO understanding of a complex concept as planetary ecosystems, 16 year olds are children for a reason (not developed). Anyone who go on international television scolding everyone deserves to have harshest treatment, don’t like it quit listening Grown Ups are present. I’m also reporting your post to the proper authorities due to the infatuation of minor children.

First it talks about a persons emotion state [sic] that I have never met. Which person? the Old Man or the Girl? How does the reader know I have never met the person?

Then it talks about the girl (she) and claims that she has NO understanding. How does the commenter know? Does he or she know the girl personally?

Then it talks about deserving the harshest treatment. Actually, I agree, if you talk with a huge megaphone, you need to expect loud opposition, but “harsh treatment” is probably not a good description of that.

However, none of those comments have anything to do with my marveling about (1) an old man being jealous, and (2) the president personally attacking a private citizen, a minor, of a foreign country.

I also wonder who are the proper authorities to report this post to? Concluding that I am infatuated with minor children (whatever that means) based on this post is strange.

Finally – I always get a kick out of people making claims, statements and even accusations under the name Anonymous. My words have my name attached to them. I stand for them. Now I tremble that the proper authorities might knock on my door to investigate my infatuation with minor children based on a report by Anonymous.

I wonder where my readers come from?

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It occurred to me that on March 30, 2019, I wrote a post titled Bring in the Clowns where I talked about the election in Ukraine and speculated that the front-runner in the Ukrainian election for president was a comedian – a comedian who is now world-famous as the president of Ukraine: Volodymyr Zelensky.

Made world-famous by the Trump impeachment scandal.

You might get a kick out of reading that post again. Link above.

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The traditional meal in Japan for Christmas is KFC – Kentucky Fried Chicken. And not just fried chicken, but the brand, KFC? How did that happen?

メリークリスマス

The above says me-rii-ku-ri-su-ma-su written in katakana, the Japanese alphabet used to spell foreign words.

me-rii-ku-ri-su-ma-su, when you say it out loud, means Merry Christmas.

Japan is a nation where only about 1% of the population is Christian. So Christmas, historically, was fairly meaningless. In the post-war years in Japan, everything western became fashionable, and the country imitated the west wherever it could.

The first Kentucky Fried Chicken store opened in Japan in 1970. Shortly after it opened, the manager, Takeshi Okawara, overheard a couple of foreigners in his store talk about how they missed having turkey for Christmas. KFC didn’t have turkey, but it had chicken. What’s the difference, right? So Okawara thought fried chicken would work just fine and began marketing his Party Barrel as a way to celebrate Christmas.

Within a few years, the Japanese corporate office for KFC started advertising クリスマス に わ ケンタキイ (Kentucky for Christmas) and a tradition was born. Japanese now think that everyone in the west eats KFC for Christmas. It is huge in Japan. One third of the annual sales of any KFC store is done during the Christmas season. 3.6 million Japanese families treat themselves to a KFC meal during the Christmas season. To get a Christmas dinner at KFC, you have to reserve it weeks in advance.

Okawara went on to become the CEO of KFC Japan in 1984 and ran the company through 2002. 

So, as this example proves, if you want to get rich and famous, start a tradition based on a religion.

I wonder what the two customers who mentioned they missed turkey for Christmas in that store in 1970 would think if they knew what they started by that innocuous remark? What if they had been Jewish instead and asked for Gefilte Fish?

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Can I Take You Out to Louch?

A new restaurant opened up in our neighborhood. It’s open for breakfast, louch and dinner.

I can’t wait to go and try it out.

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Our local San Diego Union has a weekly contest. We see a picture, and we are tasked to come up with the caption. Last week was the two snails below.

I usually draw a complete blank with those. I just don’t have that creative angle. But every week I see the responses, and I think they are hilarious.

Last week, Trisha entered, and promptly became a finalist.

Source: San Diego Union July 28, 2019 – click to enlarge

 

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Today I went for dinner at the Mikado Ryotei restaurant in Austin, Texas. When I went to the bathroom, it gave me pause.

I stood there, hesitated for a while, and then picked the correct one. I could tell because there were urinals inside.

Whew!

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Trisha is ready for entertainment. This is her control station on our couch.

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I walked to school a mile, in the snow, uphill, both ways.

And we also only had a rotary phone. But in our family, we didn’t get it until I was about 10 years old. Before that, if we had to make a phone call, we went to one of the few people in the village that had a phone and asked if we would use theirs. Obviously, you had to pretty much cut off one of your fingers before that happened.

Here are some American teenagers in 2019 who are asked to use a rotary phone:

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