Norbert Haupt

This allegory was posted on Facebook by a Trump voter I have very high respect for, whom I will keep anonymous:

Big dispute in the chicken house about the latest vote on “which is better – white or brown eggs”–more votes than chickens and some are too young to vote-some votes came from stew pot chicken and biscuits. They were cooked several years ago – some mail in votes were received after the votes were being counted. The BIG ROOSTER invalidated all the votes and said only those who can validate their eligibility to vote can be counted. Those who oppose this ruling are marching in protest outside the coop with signs that says “WE WANT ALL VOTES TO COUNT”– Some votes were found under the chicken house and under the feed barrel. some were in the mail two days after the election and were counted–such a mess.

Here are my thoughts on the various subjects:

Chicken and biscuits voting: Occasionally such votes are found, but it is actually very rare. They find onesies and twosies coming into the coop from time to time. It turns out that the chicken and biscuits votes are as often from white meat chicken as they are from dark meat chicken. I don’t think any coop counsel would object to discarding chicken and biscuit ballots, when they are identified. But no coop counsel has ever, in the history of chickendom, found enough chicken and biscuit ballots to overturn any election. 

Some chickens are too young to vote: Same problem. Coops have occasionally found invalid ballots like this, but they are as often from white meat chicken as they are from dark meat chicken.

Some were in mail two days after the election: In those coops where ballots have to be mailed and postmarked by election day, nobody has a problem with discarding those ballots. Any coop counsel, when presented with this obviously illegal evidence, should and will discard those ballots.

Votes found under the chicken house and under the feed barrel: When you have to track 150 million pieces of paper in just a few days, sometimes stuff falls down the ladder, gets left in the barn, the yard or the feed barrel. This happens to ballots from white-egg chickens and brown-egg chickens alike. This does not mean that only the brown-egg chickens are dropping ballots.

Some mail in votes were received after the votes were being counted: Many coops legally allow mailing ballots to be received and counted after election day. Here is a chart that outlines the various coops and their rules. There is nothing wrong with that. That’s the law. 

The BIG ROOSTER has had four years to make sure that the election system works, and according to the lead cock in charge of safeguarding the elections, they have been the safest and most secure elections ever. The BIG ROOSTER however didn’t like that the lead cock did his job so well, because the numbers didn’t work out for the big rooster, and all the hens are cackling now. So the lead cock is now stew.

Sad.

We now have four years of time to work out some of the remaining kinks with the ballots, not because there was widespread fraud, but because the crowing of the BIG ROOSTER that the election is rigged has confused half the chickens in all the coops.

Meanwhile, the hens are back to laying eggs, brown and white alike, all the roosters are crowing, and I no longer listen the the tweets of the BIG ROOSTER.