Movie Review: Haywire

Mallory Kane (Gina Carano, a former mixed martial arts fighter) is an operative (trained killer) for the government. They send her to Spain to rescue a journalist, and she is double-crossed. For the rest of the movie, she tries to figure out what is going on and why. Along the way, she kicks a lot of bad-guy-butt. That’s all I remember, and that’s all I care for.

I do not get how Haywire got 80% on the critics’ tomatometer and three stars from Ebert. It’s just not much of a movie.

To get it, you’d need to get out a yellow-pad, watch it a second time, write down all the characters and draw out the plot so you can keep track of stuff. There are entire sequences of the movie, especially in the first few minutes, where we see short movie clips showing flashbacks, which feel like a PowerPoint presentation of still images that supposedly tell a story. With that failed technique, the movie lost me within the first five minutes. I tried to catch up but never did.

I did enjoy seeing a young woman heroine beat up bad guys of the caliber of Jason Bourne (who else could be an operative) time and again, one and two at a time, whether they were Jason Bourne type guys, or hapless Spanish riot police in full riot armor. There was also something about her dad being in on the story, but the details were lost. She was at his house hiding in his bathroom in battle camouflage (see picture above) ambushing government nasty men. Why you’d put on battle war paint in your dad’s bathroom to stalk visitors is beyond me. But of course, it’s a movie, and it’s for effect, whether it makes sense or not.

There was a lot of stuff in this movie beyond me, particularly its excellent reviews and ratings.

I am certain I am missing something.

Rating: **

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