Assault Rifles and Kinder Eggs


The producer of the German brand Kinder Schokolade (chocolate for children) also makes Kinder Überraschungseier (surprise eggs). Those are chocolate eggs with little toys inside them that children enjoy and collect.

While legal in all countries in the world, they are banned in America, and the US customs confiscates them as a choking hazard if you try to bring them into the country. The Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act at Section 402(d)(1) says that a confectionery product with a non-nutritive object, partially or totally imbedded within it, cannot be sold within the United States, unless the FDA issues a regulation that the non-nutritive object has functional value and is non-injurious to health.

In 2011, border agents seized more than 60,000 Kinder Eggs from travelers’
baggage and from international mail shipments. This was more than twice the
number seized in fiscal year 2010. Fines can be as much as $2,500 for trying to smuggle them into the U.S.

[I wonder if the agents get to eat them after they seize them?]

Apparently the product violates both Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and Food and Drug Administration (FDA) regulations. As the U.S. government’s law-enforcement agency at the border, CBP is charged with enforcing the regulations of both agencies to keep safety hazards away from American consumers.

Obviously, American kids must be more stupid than kids all over the world, and our government must protect them from the evil eggs.

Here is my suggestion: Let’s make the eggs big enough so that you can hide an assault rifle inside of them. Nobody at the border will touch you then. The NRA will have your back. After all, we may be too stupid to know we’re not supposed to eat plastic toys, but we have constitutional protection to have assault rifles, whether they come wrapped in chocolate or not.

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